One Thing I Know

(Content note: Nothing in this post should be taken as an invitation to enable or tolerate abuse. If someone is using their power in ways that are truly harmful to you, please seek qualified professional help immediately.)

“How are you?” What a simple question. We probably ask it at least a few times each day, and answer just as often. It’s usually a formality, before we move on to what we really want to talk about. Nothing wrong with that: life is busy, time is scarce, and answering the question fully and honestly might take hours. Besides, most of the people I’m talking to in my working life are relative strangers, so why would I open up to them? Or expect them to open up to me?

And yet, if we can bring just a bit more attention and intention to our conversations, we might have a lot to gain, and might make a real difference for the people we’re talking with.

Looking at the state of the world today, it’s not hard to feel some combination of scared, upset, frustrated, angry, horrified…the list goes on. From these feelings it’s a short hop to helplessness and hopelessness. I wrestle with these feelings all the time, and I know others do too.

What can each of us do about it?

Mostly my answer is a big “I don’t know.” But there’s one thing I do know we can do.

Just. Be. There.

Be with whoever you’re with. Listen for the humanity behind their words. Catch and hold their feelings. Forgive them their foibles and quirks. See them as just like you: a fellow human, trying to find their way forward in a confusing and frightening world.

We can all do this. And we all have many chances to do it every day.

I don’t succeed as often as I’d like. That’s okay: I also need to forgive my own foibles and quirks.

But I’m finding more and more that when I do succeed — when I’m truly able to tune out the inner voices of despair, of criticism, of cynicism, even for a short while — a deeper connection becomes possible: a deeper connection between myself and someone else, a deeper connection to why we keep trying, and a deeper connection to the strength to keep going.

Now’s when I’d normally draw the connection to leadership…but isn’t it kinda obvious?